Not only do women produce sad or anxious art, men do too. (Some) men even cannot forget how their ex girlfriend made them feel unloved, unwanted, unappreciated, even after they got married. They tend to dramatize their first love rejection despite the fact that they say their wife is a good wife, and treats them well.
What is more pathetic than this?
SLARI, 13.30 27 September 2025
Why do (some) people tend to choose the wrong love? Over and over again? Don't they have enough lesson before that?
Or they just ignore their intuition at the first place. And follow their heart?
(Follow their heart to fall for the person who consider a relationship just like a pair of socks he can discard anytime?)
P. S.:
"Only a fool breaks his/her own heart". One very old song.
MS48 20.15 23 September 2025
Don't love too deeply until
You're sure that other person loves you with the same depth
Because the depth of your love today is the depth of your wound tomorrow
To love is to be vulnerable to give someone your heart and say
'I know this could hurt so bad, but I'm willing to be vulnerable and love you.'
(copas from somewhere)
and just like that I realized it is too late for me to step back.
I remember one time I asked you if it would be better for me to leave you because we seemed to have no future for our love. You seemed unhappy with that and then sent me a broken-hearted song. This made me fragile. I could not break your heart. No.
However, with the course of time, my love is growing deeper and deeper and your presence in my life is like air for me. I cannot live without breathing the air -- you.
PT56 11.19 14.09.2023
"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." Carrie Bradshaw.
You know what darling, subconsciously, I have practiced what Carrie said above for some years in my life. I have been the main character in my relationship with myself. I have felt contented enough. Nevertheless, once in a blue moon, I am questioning myself whether one day I will find someone so irresistibly attractive to me that I will fall for him.
And out of the blue you came into my life.
At first you were just a nice newbie to have chat with. As time unveiled itself, our intense conversation made me addicted to your attention. Seemingly the universe answered my question whether one day I would find someone so compatible to my 'taste'. I have found you! Eventually!
However, as Carrie said in another occasion, "love which is not accompanied by exquisite pain is not worth having", I proved it that falling in love with you is not always about happiness. You are there. You once told me you were mine. But in fact it is not that easy to 'have' you. For myself.
and I remember once upon a time, you yourself said, "when we are truly in love with someone, we cannot avoid the possibility that we will feel hurt by the love."
Where will our love lead us?
MS48 17.41 13.09.2023
"I love hanging out at angkringan!"
One time, out of the blue, you told me that.
"Angkringan is a neutral place where the haves and the haves not meet; not just them, but also the educated and the uneducated gather. There they can talk together about anything without thinking about their boundaries."
And I remember I used to question what was so special about angkringan? I could not enjoy the atmosphere, especially when it was crowded, many people were talking to each other, about random things. I could not really enjoy the kinds of food: gorengan -- I realize I had better limit the number of gorengan to eat; nasi kucing, I could not enjoy eating it, with very limited rice/lauk/vegetables.
"I know actually it is not healthy eating there, but I love it. In the past, when dating, I mostly went to angkringan."
And … just like that, there was a pang in my heart. I could not stop myself from imagining how you used to date (whom? How many girls? how did you use to love your (ex) girls? bagaimana kah dulu kamu kasmaran padanya? Apakah seperti saat kamu kasmaran padaku tahun lalu? Menggombaliku betapa bahkan dalam tidur pun kamu memikirkanku? Bahwa cintamu padaku begitu dalam?
"Bagaimana membuat sticker di facebook? Bisakah kita hanya pakai facebook lite? Atau membuka facebook di web?" tanyamu.
"Oh, harus download aplikasi facebook yang full," jawabku.
"oh, yang full ya? Seperti cintaku padamu," katamu, merayuku.
Do you still remember those moments, darling?
MS48 18.30 14.06.2023
This morning while doing my household chores, I was listening to spotify with any random singer. Out of the blue, I heard an intro of Saigon Kick's song: I love you.
And just like that, I remember you! (oh no, I hardly ever forget you because you are always on my mind.) I remember your telling me about your curiosity about how Carl Jung thought, due to the lyric "I may not have the mind of Jung". This time I was curious whether the song would remind you of someone from your past?
And I remember your telling me -- jokingly -- that many rockers were in fact just melancholic creatures despite the fact that their music sounded 'wild'.
"Take Mr.
Big, for example. There is this line in one of their song 'Just take my heart
when you go. I don't have the need for it anymore." you once said this.
O my God! That
was so cheesy! I was surprised to hear
your saying that. Even in my wildest cheesy statuses on faceebok, I would never come to
think that way, lol. Of course I would die if you take my heart, and I don't
wanna die that way, lol. (both in the real meaning or in the figurative meaning, lol.)
By the way, darling. Did you ever send the lyric of Saigon Kick's song to a girl in the past?
MS48 18.08 14.06.23
I have killed my expectation on you in order to avoid being ignored, unwanted, and unloved.
It started on the day when you told me you believed in sins and you were afraid of going to hell as the consequences. So, a year ago why did you want to be with me, at the first place? As two people who were crazily in love with each other (back then), of course we couldn't avoid touching each other, hugging each other.
Was it merely because you wanted to make nostalgia between us, as once you said?
I have always wanted you but our meeting perhaps will lead you to sins.
I have always missed you but I know I had better stop expecting to be with you again.
I have tried my best but still I can't.
I am still struggling.
21.45 07.04.2023
"I am yours,"
You said this, a year ago, the time when we enjoyed our 'honeymoon' in falling in love with each other. I know it is something common people say when they are falling in love; therefore I understood why you said that.
Nevertheless, I felt doubtful. We couldn't deny the fact that you were committed with someone, and I was committed with someone else, too.
And it was proven: your hectic days with abundant activities you had to handle everyday made me feel like I had lost you.
You were busy
And I was lonely.
Do you still remember, darling, once upon a time you told me, "I am yours"?
PT56 12.18 05.04.2023
Sayang,
Setiap kita memiliki semacam "Fuji-san" di kepala kita masing-masing. Kata Sapardi.
Tadi pagi dia menghubungiku lagi, katamu padaku. Refleks aku menggodamu, "cie cie, yang kangen." Aku iseng saja mengetik kalimat usil itu, yang langsung kamu komentari, "siapa yang kangen? Aku? Engga kok."
Dan aku nyengir sendiri saat membacanya. Entah nyengir karena membaca komentarmu itu seolah 'self-defense', (padahal aku tidak menuduhmu) entah karena melihat sticker yang kamu kirim itu lucu, entah karena melihat kamu tersulut godaanku itu. Atau entah karena aku lega kamu bilang kamu ga kangen dia. 🤣🤣🤣
Memang benar kata Sapardi. Masing-masing dari kita sibuk dengan apa yang ada di kepala kita, yang mungkin ukurannya bisa sebesar "Fuji-san." Aku, kamu, dia, dan sesiapa pun juga.
Ah, kau tahu, Sayang? Sampai sekarang aku belum selesai juga membaca novel Sapardi yang kubeli awal Januari, hampir 2 bulan yang lalu. Terlalu sibuk ngangenin kamu. Uhuk. 🤣🤣🤣
#kisahfiktif di hari Sabtu 25.02.2023